We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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