He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my liver is dry heaving
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
