Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
zippers are such a cool invention
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
