Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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