Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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