God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
