she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
