I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
