How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
