The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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