Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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