No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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