Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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