my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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