I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize