Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we made out on top of his cat.
high people should be assigned attendants
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
