On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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