so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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