Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
