By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
