When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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