Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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