don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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