My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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