i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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