i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
