Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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