...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
