I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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