just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let's get the cat blown out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
