Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize