I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
