I cut my penus on the lid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize