I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
