you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
