Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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