How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
