on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize