i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
