my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Be still, my beating vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
