Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
