I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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