I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think I sprained my soul last night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
