I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
