I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
