I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
