I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
