I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I party with great urgency now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
