i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
