We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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