pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
