Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
