You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
