Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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