I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
