Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
