what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
