Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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