coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
