We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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