next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
