OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
