you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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