i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
