No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
