I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize