my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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