non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize