Sponge bath it is.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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