I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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