ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
