Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just tell him i said nine months
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
