I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
