Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
