are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
