Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
