i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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