Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
