Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The struggles of a small town man whore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
