foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
