you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
