Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
